What do you wish you had done more of in 2011?
Talk to my brother. Or generally spend time with him. I adore him. His wit, his intelligence, everything about him makes me feel lucky to have him. This is crazy long, but please sit back and read some of our (albeit old) conversations. We have these conversations in person now, so I have no official record. I miss him so much, and he’s so close. I will rectify this.
A discussion of religion between brother and sister.
This is a conversation between my brother and me. I think its enlightening.
Its also extremely sacreligious. I’m pretty sure I could get excommunicated for this.
Leslie: Today is officially the last day of lent.
Leslie: So I am currently enjoying a diet vanilla pepsi
Bro: So you have to give back the stuff you borrowed?
Leslie: I keep it
Bro: Then why do they call it Lent? They should call it Gave.
Leslie: I dunno.
Leslie: you should ask Jeebus
Leslie: He’s the one that died and stuff
Bro: That’s the best New Testament abbreiviation ever.
Bro: Jesus died. And stuff.
Leslie: leave it to me to give the simplest, yet most sacreligious descriptions of Christianity.
Bro: Hey, if God created Adam and Eve, doesn’t that technically make them siblings?
Leslie: and their children had to do it to populate the world.
Leslie: so technically, we’re all related.
Bro: Well, I love how they explain that. Apparently God created wives for their sons.
Bro: So doesn’t that make their wives their aunts?
Leslie: I dunno. maybe.
Leslie: I haven’t ever read the whole bible.
Leslie: tomorrow, I have to fast. well, I dont have to, but i cant eat meat at all, cause its good friday, and we’re supposed to be EXTRA good cause jeebus died.
Leslie: and if we dont fast, Jeebus will come backto life and eat our brains.
Bro: And if Jesus is the son of god, but Mary’s his mom, then that makes him Adam and Eve’s half brother.
Bro: Talk about an age gap.
Leslie: yeah, but Jesus is better cause he can do tricks and stuff, so god loved him more.
Bro: I dunno. He sired Jesus to kill him. He only took a rib from Adam.
Leslie: Yeah, but now Jesus IS god.
Leslie: Where as Adam and Eve are just the naked people who got kicked out of the garden
Bro: Another point. If Eve was created from a rib of Adam, then wasn’t he playing with himself?
Leslie: Yes. But masturbation is a sin.
Leslie: Even though, it isn’t really a sin.
Leslie: Some guy who’s name started with an O was told by god to impregnate his brothers wife, so he was doing the nasty with her, but he pulled out and went for the money shot instead, and God struck him down.
Leslie: So, really disobeying God when he tells you to knock up another man’s wife is a sin.
Bro: Apparently God’s not a fan of the money shot.
Leslie: Apparently not.
Bro: Though he seems to enjoy porn in general.
Bro: After all, he created humans nekkid, and gave them no inclination to wear clothing.
Leslie: right. but thats not being a fan of porn, that just being a fan of nude beaches.
Leslie: or gardens in this case.
Bro: Man and a woman alone together. What do you think they were doing?
Leslie: Apparently eating apples
Bro: Oh, I’m sure there was some cherry picking involved.
Leslie: Maybe. I’m sure that there was a lot of different fruit trees in the garden
Leslie: it was very big.
Yet another discussion of religion between my brother and me.
[16:29] Leslie: what does the H stand for in Jesus H. Christ?
[16:29] Pete: ?
[16:30] Leslie: I thought you might know
[16:30] Pete: Nope.
[16:31] Leslie: maybe since he was a carpenter it stood for “handy”
[16:32] Leslie: He was pretty Handy to have around…
[16:32] Pete: I know. “Jesus, I’m dyin’ here!” *Heal!*
[16:32] Leslie: if you were having a party and the drunk peeps were getting sober, *poof* wine!
[16:33] Leslie: right. “hey I’m hungry.” “No problem, my child, eat me.”
[16:33] Pete: Heh.
[16:33] Leslie: I wonder if the people that were older than him resented it when he said “my child”
[16:33] Pete: Well, really, was anyone older than him?
[16:34] Leslie: I assume you mean besides Mary?
[16:34] Pete: I mean, sure, “he” was 33, but he WAS the personification of what is supposed to be a timeless beign.
[16:34] Pete: being*
[16:34] Leslie: oh.
[16:34] Leslie: right, but he wasnt the complete timeless being. He was more like a stopped watch.
[16:35] Leslie: Part of him succumbed to time.
[16:35] Leslie: Cause God was still up there watching him die and stuff.
[16:35] Pete: The 30 second internet trailer of the porn movie that is the Almighty?
[16:36] Pete: So…going….to hell…
[16:36] Leslie: right.
[16:36] Leslie: Then you have to consider what the conversation was between God and Jesus.
[16:36] Pete: Oh, wait. I repent!
[16:36] Pete: Yay!
[16:37] Leslie: Maybe jesus was this part of god that god didnt like so he was like “now your my son and I’m grounding you!” and for god, he meant grounding as like “you’re on earth, bitch”
[16:38] Pete: And then he flicked him at the planet like a booger.
[16:38] Leslie: right.
[16:38] Pete: “Bam! Earth, bitch!”
[16:38] Leslie: and he landed in mary’s womb.
[16:38] Pete: Does explain a lot.
[16:38] Leslie: totally.
[16:38] Pete: I mean, how else you gonna get in there without the velocity provided by a god-level booger flicking?
[16:39] Leslie: well, without intercourse, you need a god level booger flicking
[16:39] Leslie: they didnt have the technology that we do now.
[16:40] Pete: Exactly.
[16:40] Leslie: I mean sheesh, they didnt even number their years right
[16:40] Pete: I know!
[16:40] Leslie: going backwards
[16:40] Leslie: its like negative twenty billion or something.
[16:41] Leslie: Can you imagine the conversation between god and Jesus though, when jesus got back?
[16:41] Leslie: “so… can I watch tv again?”
[16:41] Pete: “I hope you’ve learned your lesson.”
[16:41] Leslie: totally.
[16:41] Pete: “You don’t understand me! You never did!”
[16:41] Pete: “That’s it, you’re going back!”
[16:41] Pete: Three days later…
[16:41] Leslie: “I’ll ground you again!”
[16:41] Leslie: right.
[16:41] Leslie: totally.
[16:41] Leslie: *poof* easter miracle
[16:42] Leslie: everybody’s all happy and God’s like, whoa. that worked out well for me
[16:42] Leslie: now he’s got gold and stuff.
[16:42] Pete: “Toooootally better than that flood thing I tried.”
[16:43] Leslie: I dunno. what if the flood thing was an overflowing toilet?
[16:44] Pete: More like a backed up sink, I think.
[16:44] Leslie: yeah. maybe.
[16:44] Leslie: or shower.
[16:44] Leslie: clogged drain.
[16:44] Leslie: God has that big beard you know
[16:44] Leslie: a lot of hair can get trapped in the drain
[16:45] Pete: Exactly.
[16:45] Leslie: And noah was just some weirdo who liked animals and had OCD
[16:45] Leslie: there must be two!
[16:46] Pete: Laid awake at night. Twotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwotwo….
[16:46] Pete: Probably had a nervous tick if he had it that bad.
[16:46] Leslie: and when the rabbits and cats started having babies, he would tie them up in sacks and throw them overboard, starting a series of very awkward drowing kitten jokes
[16:46] Leslie: like the dead baby jokes
[16:46] Pete: Exactly!
[16:47] Pete: But it was okay, cause he wasn’t killing humans.
[16:47] Leslie: There must be TWO!
[16:47] Leslie: right.
[16:47] Leslie: twitch twitch
[16:47] Pete: Twotwotwotwotwo…
[16:47] Leslie: onetwo…onetwo…onetwo
[16:48] Pete: Ack! Baby! *sack*
[16:48] Leslie: exactly.
[16:48] Leslie: thats why when the water was gone the animals ran away.
[16:49] Pete: Cause he was a sadistic bastard.
[16:49] Leslie: baby-killer!
[16:49] Leslie: and thus, anti-abortionists were born
[16:49] Pete: We should warn PETA about him.
[16:49] Pete: How children’s minds are being subverted by his lies.
[16:50] Leslie: sonofabitch
why I love my brother, again.
[10:52] Pete: Mmmmmm nana chips.
[10:52] Leslie: ew! you cant eat someones Nana!
[10:53] Pete: How do you know they’re not just chips MADE by someone’s nana?
[10:53] Pete: Why do you always have to assume the worst of me?
[10:53] Leslie: Cause its YOU!
[10:53] Leslie: You’re EVIL~!
[10:53] Pete: How?
[10:53] Pete: I stood at the altar of a church and survived, didn’t I?
[10:54] Leslie: psht.
[10:54] Pete: No, it was in Bremerton.
[10:54] Leslie: The devil was an angel.
[10:55] Leslie: you can eat jesus crackers and survive
[10:55] Pete: !!!
[10:55] Pete: How is it okay to eat Jesus Crackers and not Nana Chips?
[10:56] Leslie: Because Jesus asked us to
[10:56] Leslie: He said “this is my body. Eat of it”
[10:56] Pete: Right. Like I’m gonna trust a guy who gets cannibalism backwards.
[10:56] Pete: Yeah, he sounds like a winner.
[10:56] Leslie: SEE!
[10:56] Leslie: You’re evil!
[10:57] Leslie: you dont want to eat Jesus.
[10:57] Leslie: You just want to eat Nanas.
[10:57] Pete: No, just the chips!
[10:57] Leslie: If you were good, you would want to eat Jesus
[10:57] Leslie: Cause he’s Jesuslicious
[10:58] Pete: Oooh. Fun. Let’s eat a 2000 year old dead man and go around godding people.
[10:58] Leslie: yeah!
[10:58] Leslie: God is love! Godding people is Loving People!
[10:59] Leslie: Is is technically necrophilia if a 2000 year old dead guy loves you?
[10:59] Pete: If God is love, why couldn’t he make Jesus taste good? Mrs. Fields could do it with cookies.
[11:00] Leslie: Well, they didnt have a lot of food back then, so jesus didnt have a lot of fat for us to sear in his juices.
[11:01] Pete: Right, but isn’t god supposed to be all-powerful?
[11:01] Leslie: so, we ended up with styrofoam wafers instead.
[11:01] Leslie: plus, he has a longer shelf life than twinkies
[11:01] Pete: That’s true.
[11:04] Leslie: I know. I’m a Catholic. I know these things
Whats a tracheotomy between siblings?
[15:35] Leslie: sigh
[15:36] Pete: ?
[15:36] Leslie: i’m bored
[15:37] Pete: I’m sorry.
[15:37] Leslie: you are not
[15:37] Pete: Yeah, not really, you’re right.
[15:38] Pete: Good catch on that one.
[15:38] Leslie: I know.
[15:38] Pete: Sucks to be you, then.
[15:39] Leslie: at least I didnt get judo chopped in the throat
[15:39] Pete: That’s true. But I’m a fast healer.
[15:40] Pete: I’m already a lot better than I was earlier.
[15:42] Leslie: want me to judo chop you ?
[15:42] Pete: Not so much.
[15:42] Leslie: sure?
[15:42] Leslie: I’d be happy to do it. No imposition at all
[15:43] Pete: Really, I’m fine. Thanks for the offer, though.
[15:43] Leslie: all right, but if you change your mind, let me know
[15:43] Pete: I’ll do that.
[15:50] Leslie: how about a tracheotomy?
[15:51] Leslie: I have a ball point pen here
[15:51] Pete: No, really, that’s okay.
[15:52] Pete: My windpipe works just fine the way it is.
[15:52] Leslie: dont think of it as a repair. think of it as upping the value… like a skylight.
[15:55] Leslie: its allowing more light in your windpipe to make it seem more open and airy, which is a good thing for a windpipe to be
[15:55] Pete: Open and airy, yes. But, see, windpipes don’t need a lot of light.
[15:56] Leslie: well, see, this world is full of things that we dont need, but we have them because they increase the value of something, or they make us feel better.
[15:57] Leslie: do you need light in your windpipe? No, but isnt it nice to be one of the ground breakers who chose it?
[15:57] Pete: But I don’t need to increase the value of my windpipe. I’m not selling it
[15:57] Leslie: I think you’ll like it.
[15:57] Leslie: Well, you arent selling it now, but in ten years or so, when you’re ready for a change, you’ll be glad you did it
[15:58] Pete: See, I don’t think I’m ever gonna sell it.
[15:58] Leslie: again, you say that now, but you never know. People grow and change.
[15:58] Pete: I’m pretty attached to it.
[15:58] Leslie: ah. sentimental value is understandable.
[15:59] Leslie: all the more reason to accentuate it with a tracheotomy
[15:59] Pete: See, I just don’t see that as my windpipe’s image. It’s not that kind of windpipe, you know? It doesn’t hang with that kind of windpipe crowd.
[16:00] Leslie: Ah, but when you get older your priorities change.
[16:00] Leslie: it may be that kind of windpipe later.
[16:00] Pete: Perhaps they do, but see, my windpipe? Its priorities don’t.
[16:00] Pete: It really only has one.
[16:00] Pete: To, you know, breathe in air.
[16:00] Leslie: To allow air in!
[16:01] Pete: Right. Which it doesn’t need an extra hole to do.
[16:01] Leslie: And by adding a tracheotomy, you’re incresing its effectiveness
[16:01] Pete: Oh, I see. I’m maximising my breathing potential?
[16:01] Leslie: exactly.
[16:01] Leslie: see, its cosmetic AND functional
[16:01] Pete: Then, wouldn’t it be better to just install some vents directly into my lungs?
[16:02] Leslie: Like boobs
[16:02] Leslie: I can puncture your lungs for you too, if you like
[16:02] Pete: Tempting as that sounds, I really like my breathing just the way it is.
[16:02] Pete: If that changes though, you’ll be the first to know.
[16:02] Leslie: you dont know what you’re missing.
[16:03] Leslie: How about I give you a deal? Tracheotomy AND BOTH lung punctures for just the price of the tracheotomy?
[16:03] Pete: No, I’m just not in the market for it, you know?
[16:03] Pete: Like I said, though. I’ll keep you in mind.
[16:03] Leslie: You sure? You’re never gonna find another deal like this
Hardcore canary action
[16:12] Pete: So you remember back a couple years ago about how we were talking about the Mars Volta song The Widow? How it makes almost no sense, but it sounds really good?
[16:15] Leslie: … um sure
[16:15] Pete: Bah. Never mind.
[16:16] Leslie: what?
[16:16] Pete: You don’t remember. So nevermind.
[16:17] Leslie: no no, I remember.
[16:18] Pete: Well, I was just gonna say that that’s pretty much the norm. I downloaded a bunch of their albums and it’s all frenetic and crazy, but makes noooo sense.
[16:18] Pete: Lyrics such as ‘Exo-skeletal/Chargin’ at the railroad tonight’
[16:18] Pete: I shit you not.
[16:18] Leslie: lol
[16:18] Pete: It hurts my brain to even attempt to comprehend what that means.
[16:18] Leslie: drugs.
[16:19] Pete: Indeed.
[16:19] Pete: It does sound really good, though.
[16:20] Pete: Very big and melodramatic.
[16:20] Leslie: Like dad?
[16:20] Pete: Dad’s not very big though.
[16:20] Pete: I’m bigger than him now.
[16:21] Leslie: but he’s got guns.
[16:21] Pete: Psh. Swords are cooler than guns.
[16:21] Pete: ‘She was a mink handjob in sarcophagus heels’
[16:21] Pete: WTF?
[16:23] Leslie: lol
[16:23] Leslie: I dunno but it sounds sexy… or scary.
[16:23] Pete: Sexcary?
[16:26] Leslie: that sounds too much like “sexcanary”
[16:26] Pete: “sexcanary?”
[16:26] Pete: Seen a lot of porn-affiliated birds, have you?
[16:26] Leslie: Yeah. you know. Tweety in a leather bodice? Furlined of course
[16:26] Pete: Cat fur?
[16:27] Leslie: what else?
[16:27] Pete: Indeed.
[16:27] Leslie: He went on a downward spiral for a while, so he had to get his fur from hairballs that Sylvester spat up, but he’s back on his feet again..
[16:28] Leslie: or wings… whatever
[16:28] Pete: On top of the bird-dom industry?
[16:28] Leslie: well who would fuck with a bird that uses hairballs for its outfit? thats just all kinds of twisted.
[16:29] Pete: Cat hairballs, nonetheless.
[16:29] Pete: You think Granny knows about Tweety’s side job?
[16:30] Leslie: I think Granny is Tweety’s Pimp. Think about it. “Now, behave Tweety” sounds an awful lot like “Do what the nice man tells you”
[16:30] Pete: Tweety’s “Manager?”
[16:30] Pete: What do you think her kickback is?
[16:32] Leslie: Hell, she’s old. Think about it. Who fucks a bird? Thats a specialty market. That means they’re RAKING in the dough. Maybe he’s a doctor? Free scripts. Maybe he’s a dentist? Free dentures?
[16:33] Pete: And you know this shit isn’t legal. It’s under the table. So Granny’s probably drawing benefits on top of that…
[16:33] Leslie: yup
[16:33] Leslie: see. Granny gets her cut.
[16:34] Pete: And then some. She’s probably got all this dirt on all these major players…I bet she gets whatever she wants.
[16:34] Leslie: Granny’s a bitch.
[16:34] Pete: No shit.
[16:34] Pete: I’d say turn her in, but she’s probably got the police in her pocket too.
[16:36] Leslie: yeah. she’s always got that nice officer coming for tea.
[16:36] Pete: You mean “T”
[16:36] Pete: It’s probably code.
[16:37] Leslie: T for Tweety.
[16:37] Pete: Indeed.
[16:38] Leslie: Man. I never knew the old cartoons were so hardcore.
[16:38] Pete: Well, they had to censor them a lot back then. I’m sure there’s tons of deleted footage.
[16:39] Leslie: Thats where tweety developed a taste for tormenting others. Sylvester got the brunt of the abuse.
[16:39] Pete: That poor cat.
[16:42] Leslie: who knows, maybe he’s a sub and was happy withit.
A BLACK Messiah???
[12:33] Pete: I have a question…
[12:33] Pete: Do I come across as Anti-Christian? I mean, I know you know me well enough to know better, but do I send that sort of signal?
[12:36] Leslie: I dont think so. More like anti establishment. how can you come off as anti christian when you look like jesus?
[12:36] Pete: How do I come off as anti-establishment?
[12:36] Pete: I ask for the sake of clarity.
[12:40] Leslie: I think its that I know you.
[12:41] Leslie: I think its because you’re too smart to blindly accept things
[12:41] Leslie: you question authority, you question status quo, etc
[12:41] Pete: Yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m anti-establishment, I just try to make sure people are looking at all sides of a given issue.
[12:42] Leslie: that in itself is anti establishment.
[12:43] Leslie: you’re a different breed. People look at that and make assumptions. You dont look like someone that has been SAVED! by jesus You look like someone who lives and deals in reality.
[12:44] Pete: I dunno, though. People get the impression that I hate religion, and Christianity in particular, and I don’t understand where from.
[12:46] Leslie: heh. cause you look like jesus and jesus hates christianity
[12:46] Pete: You know, he probably would.
[12:47] Leslie: I know.
[12:48] Leslie: just be like “I hate christianity cause I’m Jesus, motherfucker!” You have to throw in the motherfucker for effect cause that will make people go whoa. Jesus is Hardcore like samuel l. Jackson
[12:49] Pete: Samuel L. Jackson should play Jesus in a movie.
[12:49] Leslie: totally. “WATER INTO MUTHAFUCKIN WINE MUTHAFUCKA!”
[12:50] Pete: “Give me your poor. They’re the ones that say bad-ass mutha fucka on them.”
[12:51] Leslie: heh.
[12:51] Leslie: A BLACK messiah?
[12:52] Pete: Psh. It’s Samuel L. Jackson. I’m pretty sure he’s his own race entirely.
[12:52] Leslie: true.
[12:53] Leslie: when he breeds, he doesnt have offspring. He has mini bad ass muthafuckas, which leads to unfortunate inbreeding
[12:54] Pete: Well, it would be unfortunate, if it weren’t badass.
[12:57] Leslie: but, by inbreeding they reduce their samuel l. Jackson genes and increase their human ones.
[12:58] Pete: Psh. The Samuel L. Jackson genes overtake the human ones. The human genes show up and get their asses kicked.
[12:59] Leslie: What if samuel l. jackson and chuck norris create a hybrid?
[12:59] Leslie: it will be the ONE, the ruler of all the world…
[13:05] Pete: Here’s a question you probably won’t want to hear or know the answer to:
[13:05] Pete: If fraternal twins are incestuous, does it count as cloning?
[13:05] Leslie: I dont think it does.
[13:06] Pete: But you’re not sure, are you?
[13:06] Pete: It’s quite a quandary.
[13:09] Leslie: no, it cant count as cloning.
[13:09] Leslie: because its joining of two sets of dna. Fraternal twins dont have identical dna
[13:10] Pete: Oh yeah.
[13:10] Pete: I wonder if it’s possible to have maternal twins that are male and female…
[13:10] Pete: And if it were, and they were incestuous, would that then count as cloning?
[13:11] Pete: One of life’s great mysteries.
[13:12] Leslie: maternal twins?
[13:13] Leslie: theres no such thing
[13:13] Leslie: dork
[13:13] Pete: I know.
[13:13] Leslie: its identical and fraternal
[13:13] Pete: I just couldn’t for the life of me think of the other word.
[13:13] Leslie: its possible to have hermaphrodic identical twins
[13:13] Pete: I don’t mean hermaphrodic. I mean one boy and one girl.
[13:14] Leslie: no.
[13:14] Leslie: not possible.
[13:14] Pete: hermaphrodic is a funny word to say.
[13:14] Leslie: it is
[13:14] Leslie: heh
[13:14] Pete: If it were, though, would that count as cloning?
[13:14] Pete: I wonder.
[13:14] Pete: And what if THEY had twins?
[13:15] Pete: It’d be like a freaky race of mutants.
[13:15] Pete: Like the ones from Hills Have Eyes.
[13:23] Leslie: maybe if they were introduced to nuclear radiation
[13:25] Pete: As long as it wasn’t gamma radiation. The last thing we need is a batch of really large, angry, green, incestuous twins. That could get ugly fast.
[13:25] Leslie: true.
[13:26] Leslie: inbreeding brings out the worst eventually. Soon they’ll be big eared and horse toothed like Prince Charles.
[13:26] Pete: Why do they do it with horses, then, I wonder?
[13:27] Pete: ‘do it’ probably wasn’t the best choice of words.
[13:27] Leslie: heh
[13:37] Leslie: well, as I learned from terri, inbreeding two awesome dogs against eachother brings out the strengths. if its done too often, its strengthening the breed’s weaknesses
[12:56] Pete: Mmmmmm smashed taters
[12:58] Leslie: I got a tato smasher and its perfect for frozen jews.
[12:59] Pete: What about thawed ones?
[13:00] Leslie: thawed ones dont need to be smashed
[13:00] Pete: I think that depends entirely on your perspective.
[13:01] Leslie: I’m not a Nazi
[13:01] Leslie: so they dont.
[13:02] Pete: Right. But there are people who are Nazis. And they may be in the market for a potato smasher that smashes thawed jews as well as frozen ones.
[13:03] Leslie: too bad for them
[13:05] Pete: You know, the jews being frozen doesn’t make the smashing any more morally correct.
[13:05] Leslie: not true. they’re tasty when mixed with water.
[13:05] Pete: Flavor does not address the moral quandary.
[13:05] Leslie: does too
[13:06] Leslie: it makes it okay to shoot bambi, why not smoosh jews?
[13:06] Pete: Because I’m pretty sure that jews count as people, and cannibalism is illegal.
[13:08] Leslie: jews went to concentration camps, frozen juice is from concentrate. Coincidence? I think not.
[13:09] Pete: You may indeed be correct. However, letting others do the processing makes you no less morally responsible.
[13:10] Leslie: I dunno. I cant eat a crab that I killed because I’ve seen it alive, but I can eat a crab that someone else killed. I see no difference
[13:11] Pete: The difference is you’re too much of a pansy to do the work.
[13:11] Pete: Pansy.
[13:11] Pete: Pansy Jew Smoosher..
[13:11] Leslie: heh.
[13:12] Leslie: I dont see the difference between that and jew wafers
[13:12] Leslie: Jesus was a jew and we eat him.
[13:12] Pete: He said it’s cool, though. It’s in the Bible. He was all, “Eat me” and shit.
[13:13] Leslie: you would shit after you ate a lot of him. its the way your body works
[13:13] Leslie: thats where the term Holy shit came from
[13:13] Pete: You’re probably right.
[13:14] Pete: So you’re saying you only smoosh jews in pursuit of a religious ideal?
[13:28] Leslie: no, equality
[13:28] Pete: How does it promote equality to smoosh processed jews?
[13:29] Leslie: if you only eat a holy jew, arent you being a little prejudiced?
[13:30] Pete: If you only eat jews, aren’t you being a little prejudiced?
[13:30] Leslie: yes.
[13:30] Leslie: I eat polish dogs and stuff like that too
[13:30] Leslie: Mexican is one of my favorites
[13:30] Leslie: White bread is yummy
[13:30] Pete: Fair enough.
[12:27] Pete: Amber made mint chocolate chip cookies.
[12:28] Pete: …and they’re awesome.
[12:28] Leslie: You should bring me some.
[12:28] Leslie: and see my house all clean and pretty
[12:28] Leslie: jeff uber cleaned yesterday
[12:28] Leslie: its awesome.
[12:29] Pete: I believe you are getting some. She’s making cookies for everyone this year.
[12:29] Leslie: sweet.
[12:29] Leslie: I get extra right? Cause I give her extra trffles?
[12:29] Leslie: u*
[12:29] Pete: You should remind her of that when she gets on.
[12:30] Leslie: well considering that its you that she gets on, you should remind her.
[12:30] Pete: This is one of those points where I want to say ‘I refuse to dignify that with a response’ but I always thought people who said that were idiots because that IS a response.
[12:31] Pete: So instead, allow me to offer this counterpoint to your logic:
[12:31] Pete: BUTT HEAD!
[12:33] Leslie: I see your counterpoint and acknowledge it, and have only one thing to say in reply.
[12:34] Leslie: You sir, are a retard licker pansy jew smoosher
[12:35] Pete: I certainly understand the reasoning behind your assertions, and so know that I mean this in the least disparaging way possible:
[12:35] Pete: Your FACE is a retard licking pansy jew smoosher.
[12:38] Leslie: Of course I believe you when you say that it was meant in the least disparaging way possible, so I cannot imagine that you would be offended when I mention the following
[12:40] Leslie: You happen to be one of the most astoundingly poopy faced, stinky brained twit I have ever known.
[12:42] Pete: I am certainly not offended, and am once again forced to acknowledge your line of reasoning. However, I am compelled to point out that:
[12:43] Pete: The only reason I’m one of the most astoundingly poopy faced, stinky brained twits you have ever known is because you have never looked in a mirror, due to the fact that your own exceedingly poopy face makes them all shatter.
[12:45] Leslie: While your points are exceedingly well reasoned, and I’m sure have an infinte backbone of faith supporting them, I must bring up at this point that I am rubber and you are glue and anything you say bounces off me and sticks, quite firmly and immovably, to you.
[12:48] Pete: I see. Your rebuttal is soundly stated, and so I am forced, regrettably, to reply in the most devastating manner possible.
[12:48] Pete: NUH UH!
[12:52] Leslie: While I understand that you’re operating under the belief that you are in the right in this conversation, I must reply to you with simply YESHUH times infinity to the infite power.
[12:54] Pete: While a lesser man might reply with the ever-more-powerful “NUH UH times infinity to the infinite power PLUS infinity,” I shall merely state that you are a worthy opponent with strong reasoning skills, despite the fact that of COURSE I’m right, because you’re a dumb head.
[12:58] Leslie: I appreciate your conceding and compliment your impressive grasp of key debating skills, however I must affirm that I am NOT a dumb head and you are in fact a ninny pants.
[13:13] Pete: I wish all people were as mature as we are.