The grace of others #reverb11


Gratitude – What five (5) things are you most grateful for from 2011?

I don’t think anyone really has things they are grateful for unless it’s in the abstract. I am grateful for my home, etc, of course. The things in life that I am grateful for are provided by people in my life. I am most grateful that I have managed to garner friendships that I don’t understand. These people love me, and for that I am lucky.

Lori is my best friend. She moved recently, but I’m amazed at how this woman opens her heart. She’s funny, devastatingly generous and just plain wonderful. Because of her, I was able to get to work everyday. I didn’t have a vehicle that worked and she loaned me hers on a daily basis. We grew to love each other to an unexpected level. She is my family. I played with her daughter and call her niece. We held each other and cried until we laughed. She moved to the bumfuck south and I miss her with an ache every day. I sobbed the day she left. I still visit her family and talk to her on the phone, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to go much longer without flying over to see her. She is an amazing woman who convinced me that I am too.

I met Dixie in the coffee shop that she worked at. We hit it off like we had known each other forever. Her dark hair, glasses, tattoos and overwhelming nerd goth chick vibe made me HAVE TO KNOW her. We made plans to hang out and did. Its been fun since. Because of her, I found out the kitchen I work for was hiring. We worked together for a few months until she became super awesome newspaper editor! My home is hers. I get to see her wonderful face everyday. She makes me laugh, and surprises me with ice cream in my freezer and silly notes. She carries me when I am low. I would not have gotten through my divorce without her. Her Tom isn’t half bad either.

For three and a half years, I worked at The Bakery. Small and charming, the place and people work their way into your heart. My family consisted of Monica, Mark, Sharon, Betuel, Erin, Ivy, Rheycel, Renee, Victoria, Lori and Elizabeth. I learned so much there. I owe my career in the food industry to them, and I owe my sanity as well. They watched fall, helped me up, watched me grow, held my hand. We laughed, cried, yelled and commiserated as families are wont to do. I left The Bakery at the end of August and miss them. I’m happy for my career change, but I miss my everyday bakery babes. They were my port in the storm for a long time.

I found an unexpected gem in Jesse. He’s given me the ability to slow down and enjoy another person in a way I haven’t before. He gets my nerdy jokes and eggs them on. We share a love of cat pictures and it brings a special feeling of joy when I can shock him into laughter. He is non-demanding and kinder than he gives himself credit for. I learned about napping, gaming and feeding kitties cake. Also, he rekindled in me a love for myself that I haven’t had in a very long time. I go to the gym and the doctor and stuff now.  He helps me feel at peace.

Rebecca is a woman I met when I was 15. She took me into her family and called me her own. I tagged along to Renaissance Fairs to escape The Craziness and she helped me feel the joy of being a kid. I’ve fallen in and out of touch with her, and she has helped me along my path whenever she could. I always felt as if I was taking advantage of her because of how much of a difference she made in my life. She introduced me to belly dancing, encouraged my art, fed me, clothed me and generally took care of me in any way she could. I will never be able to truly thank her for the love she gave me and still does, to this day.

I’m blessed in ways that I can’t even express to you. I know I’m not worthy of the love and kindness others give me, so I work hard to be worthy. I still fall short of the goal, but I’ll keep trying. To the people who fill my life, I am grateful. Every person, whether I named them above or not, has made some sort of huge lasting mark on me. It wasn’t until I learned to trust others and accept help, that I gained true friends.


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