Ladies and Gentlemen, I hate being an adult. Hate it.
Why? The same reason you do. Bills, tough decisions, pain, frustration and all the other things.
Yesterday, I had to make a choice between continuing chiropractic treatment and paying bills. The chiro made it so that I was actually not in pain anymore. I was able to sleep through the night without waking up because my lower back was screaming at me, or my legs had gone numb again. The lack of tension headaches was damn near miraculous. My upper back was amazing too. I didn’t have to roll my shoulders and hear the popping sounds. That was only a month into my treatment. Not even halfway.
But, because paying for health insurance and the treatment was adding up to almost half of what I make, I had to make the choice between pain and responsibility. It sucks.
Today, I applied for food benefits, because with hours dwindling at work, I’ve turned into a most frugal shopper. I was already this before, but now it’s “do I want fresh fruit or fresh veggies?” “Can I buy toilet paper and kitty litter? No? Better put some food back so I can.” Granted, it’s not nearly as bad as some people have it. I am only feeding me and my two cats.
I am DAMNED lucky to have a friend like Dixie as my landlord. She understands if I can’t make rent, or if its late. She’s more than generous, but it makes me feel like a slacker to not be able to pay. It makes me feel like I’m taking advantage of her. I’ve learned that in having friends generous enough to help, they are usually willing to give more than I’m comfortable receiving.
Dropping my chiro will free up quite a bit, and I will again have savings and start to build back up. The goal is to not spend EVERY cent that comes in. I have medical bills that have to be paid, I have credit to repair. Sometimes that can be more important than one’s health. I’m scared of having no fall back. I had a little savings two months ago and something went wrong, and luckily I was able to use my savings to fix it. I’ve been limping since.
Part of writing this is feeling silly. I am not as bad off as some people. I have a home and the ability to work and I do make money. What I’m really complaining about here is the inability to spend it on what I want. Namely, my back. Because I am a whiner.
Ah well. Here’s to not limping.