Tag Archives: life

Lift your voice. #reverb14

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what is the sound of your own voice?

Strong.

My voice is strong.

It is in literal terms, odd. It can be light and feminine. It can be a bit nasally, and in singing, off key and awkward. When I am unsure, it tends to get vulnerable and childlike. My laugh is a cackle. My sneeze is a tiny achoo.

But in a metaphorical sense, it is strong. It does not waver from me. I speak up, for me and others. Since I was young, I’ve had a driving sense of fairness and equality about life.

Life isn’t fair. But we should do our BEST to tilt the axis in that direction. Our lives are for each other as much as our selves. Its our duty to make the world better for each other. That’s what our voices are for.

In writing this, I did not take time to think over my answer, so I’m not sure what else to say that won’t lead into a feminist rant or one that fights for the rights of this nations black citizens. Our world needs help. Needs love. Life is feeling bleak and hopeless and its time to lift our voices to speak up for each other.

To revel in love. #reverb14

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It’s all too easy to put off loving where we are until everything is perfect. What can you love about where you are now?

My typical day is nothing special to most people. I wake far too early, go to work, come home, go to the gym, do laundry, etc.

I wake next to a man who is my partner. Sometimes partners make mistakes and then we work through them as a team. I wake surrounded by warmth and love, a pile made of blankets, a dog, a couple kitties and Josh. Sometimes the cats throw up and we step in it. Sometimes the dog wakes us by dropping her toy on our faces.

Getting ready for work, I get to have quiet moments to myself. Doing my makeup makes me think of the people I love as most of my really awesome stuff was given to me by friends and family. Because of them, I have more eye shadow in my life than I know what to do with and I adore it. I can attribute my use of my skincare line to my friends who work in salons. A picture of my mother hangs so that I can see her over my shoulder as I get ready. I get dressed and then go back to turn on the light and kiss Josh goodbye. He rolls over and smiles at me in his sleep, then wakes and smiles more.

When I come out of my house, I say good morning to the three chickens outside our door and then head to work. I drive a beautiful 40 minutes to work, passing water and mountains and the glorious views that the Pacific Northwest offers. My work is a lovely place, full of its problems, sure, but all in all wonderful. It’s hard, but challenging work and I’m lucky to do what I do.

When I drive home, I’m tired. I come home and my dog greets me as if I’ve been gone for years. My cats come running to the door. I change into my gym clothes and pull out whatever I need to make dinner. Sometimes I’m too tired, or forget. I gather Josh’s clothes and meet him at work. We grumble and go to the gym. Our experience at the gym is one of work, laughter, and people watching. Sometimes we fight when he demands lunges and I don’t want to do them. Most times we grumble and then are happy with our workout afterward. We part ways and meet at home.

Josh winds down with video games and I cook dinner. We laugh about our days. We watch the Daily show together as we eat. He holds me to put me to sleep some nights. Some nights we fall apart in a tangle of limbs and sweat and high five our approval of each other.

I see my friends, I laugh with them, I commiserate. They know I love them. I love my family, though I am not as good at being a family member as I am a friend. But I love them, and will fight tooth and nail for the best for them. I am loved. I am rich in the joy of life. I am warm of heart. It is not a grand life, full of money and fame, but it is mine and I love it, for better or worse.

My life is good.

My life is love.

I cannot find fault in the joy of it, in the humanity of it.

 

Being an adult.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I hate being an adult. Hate it.

Why? The same reason you do. Bills, tough decisions, pain, frustration and all the other things.

Yesterday, I had to make a choice between continuing chiropractic treatment and paying bills. The chiro made it so that I was actually not in pain anymore. I was able to sleep through the night without waking up because my lower back was screaming at me, or my legs had gone numb again. The lack of tension headaches was damn near miraculous. My upper back was amazing too. I didn’t have to roll my shoulders and hear the popping sounds. That was only a month into my treatment. Not even halfway.

But, because paying for health insurance and the treatment was adding up to almost half of what I make, I had to make the choice between pain and responsibility. It sucks.

Today, I applied for food benefits, because with hours dwindling at work, I’ve turned into a most frugal shopper. I was already this before, but now it’s “do I want fresh fruit or fresh veggies?” “Can I buy toilet paper and kitty litter? No? Better put some food back so I can.” Granted, it’s not nearly as bad as some people have it. I am only feeding me and my two cats.

I am DAMNED lucky to have a friend like Dixie as my landlord. She understands if I can’t make rent, or if its late. She’s more than generous, but it makes me feel like a slacker to not be able to pay. It makes me feel like I’m taking advantage of her. I’ve learned that in having friends generous enough to help, they are usually willing to give more than I’m comfortable receiving.

Dropping my chiro will free up quite a bit, and I will again have savings and start to build back up. The goal is to not spend EVERY cent that comes in. I have medical bills that have to be paid, I have credit to repair. Sometimes that can be more important than one’s health. I’m scared of having no fall back. I had a little savings two months ago and something went wrong, and luckily I was able to use my savings to fix it. I’ve been limping since.

Part of writing this is feeling silly. I am not as bad off as some people. I have a home and the ability to work and I do make money. What I’m really complaining about here is the inability to spend it on what I want. Namely, my back. Because I am a whiner.

Ah well. Here’s to not limping.

 

Oh, can we just let it settle? #reverb11

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Shaking Things Up – Looking towards 2012, what can you do to shake things up a little next year?

Honestly, I’m looking forward to a non-shaken year. I’m looking for things to settle from the last time I shook everything up. Last year, I shook the snowglobe, this year, I’ll watch the debris settle.

I want to find myself in a happy place at the end of the year, because fear started to subside. I want to no longer have this tally in my brain of who did what and what I owe and HOWWILLIEVERPAYTHEMBACK stress.

Can we just shake things up by having a peaceful year? I know that’s asking for a lot. I can’t really pick out a year that has been peaceful. So I think that’s good. How about getting a year that is so limited in pain, suffering, and the general flotsam of life that the good moments always outweigh the bad. The laughter overwhelms the tears. Or even the only tears shed are from laughter!

Oh, I know I’m not being realistic, but a girl can dream. In a world so full of darkness, I just want to find a little light next year. That’s how I’m going to shake it up. I’m just going to have a positive year.

One day, I’m going to look back and sigh and pat past me on the head for writing this. Oh, if she only knew…, I’ll say. Life is tricky, I’ll say.  You tried your damnedest, I’ll say.

I want a year of joy, peace, and love. That is how I want my life shaken in 2012. I will pursue these things with a coy dance that employs all the skills of a seasoned flirt.